Going Back to School for Architecture

C.J.,

I’m thinking of a total change in career. I am currently working as a chef and have done so for 12 years. I am a head chef but my heart has never really been in the job. I am thinking of training to be an architect. I realize that I am far from qualified and will have to do a lot of hard work to achieve this dream. My main fear is that I am 31 and the prospect of going back into education is far from desirable but an obvious must. I would appreciate any advice you may have, as it is as much a psychological battle I am having as an intellectual one.

Thanks,

Aidan

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Aidan,

I’m always so inspired when people move toward their heart’s desire. It takes a ton of courage and I really congratulate you. It’s pretty common for my career coaching clients to hear a Jekyll and Hyde voice when making radical changes.

You have described the situation perfectly. It’s a battle between your psyche and you mind. Generally, career coaching clients struggle between what makes sense logically in their head, with what their heart wants. The mind, or head, usually monopolizes the dialogue. It’s much like being stuck at a party with Woody Allen and filling oneself with insecurity, fear, and over-analyzed thoughts. The goal would be to achieve a balanced dialogue.

One solution is for you to hold an imaginary peace negotiation between your heart and mind. When conducting this negotiation, your role is as a curious facilitator. Be sure not to make any judgments or criticisms of either party. Start by allowing both parties to speak openly and freely. Make sure to take careful notes of any issues you hear identified during the discussion. If it helps, imagine an image of your head in your left hand and image of your heart in your right hand.

Ask your head. Imagine that this brain in your left hand has a voice and can speak. Ask your head the following questions: What do you want? What are the concerns you are having about making the change? What fears do you have about making the change? What personal needs, interests, or intentions do these concerns address? What issues have to be addressed in order for me to move forward? Typically, the most common concerns with making a change have to do with money, potential changes in home and family life, and ego hits. These concerns usually connect to a personal need to feel safe both emotionally and financially, and to feel secure and socially accepted.
Ask your heart. Just as above, look at your right hand and ask your heart: What do you want? What are your concerns about not making the change? What fears do you have if you don’t make the change? How will your life be better with the change? What personal needs, interests, or intentions will be fulfilled if you make the change? What issues have to be addressed in order for Aidan to move forward? Typically, the most common concerns are a sense of not feeling fulfilled for some reason, ranging from a possibly abusive boss, bad work environment or a job going nowhere with bad pay. The personal needs being fulfilled have to do with work-life balance, happiness, and personal freedom.
Issue identification. After hearing both sides, the parties need to come up with a list of issues that are to be negotiated and agreed to. For example, the heart may want to leave your current job right now. The head may have concerns about finances and the costs for going back to school.
Negotiate. Next take the list and have the primary party with the objection state what they want. For example, the heart wants to leave your job as a chef yesterday. Ask the head if it has any objections to this request? If it doesn’t then move on. If it does, then ask “What are your objections?” It may be that the head is concerned with leaving due to your monthly apartment rent. The only way to resolve this problem is through negotiation. Then ask the heart to come up with a solution that meets both its desire to leave the job soon and considers the head’s objections. In the above example, the head can agree to work another three months, if the heart saves up enough money to go back to school. This process continues issue by issue. As with real negotiations it’s important to take a break during an impasse.
Agreement. At the end, write up what both parties have agreed to. Make sure both parties are clear with what is required specifically: commitments made and dates needed to address the issue. It’s a nice gesture for the right hand and left hand to shake in agreement as well.

Try the above and email me if you have any additional questions. It’s fun and often really illuminating when you give voice to both sides.

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C.J. Liu is a Seattle-based career coach with over 15 years experience in helping people achieve happiness at work. She takes a holistic view of her clients needs and seeks to ensure they feel good physically, mentally and spiritually in their work. Check out her site, to learn more about C.J. Liu.

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