The Child Care Choices of Working Moms

It's nearly a given that if you're a working mom, you're using some form of child care. A 2004 study conducted by the Center for Economic Research & Policy showed that more than 50 percent of women with children under the age of six were working moms. Nearly 75 percent of those working moms brought home the bacon after a 30 hour week. And more than 90 percent of those working moms used daycare.

Whether it's a nanny, a regular babysitter, a daycare center, family, afterschool care for older children, or a creative mix that includes all of the above, at some stage in your working career, child care becomes a necessity. Choosing childcare is contingent on several factors: cost, availability, need, and preference, and the order changes depending on the family and lifestyle. Pros and cons abound. And you always wonder, "Did I make the right choice?"

A Successful First Daycare Decision Experience

Back in my corporate world days, my oldest son began attending an on site daycare facility when he was 10 months old. He was on the waiting list since I was 20 weeks pregnant (no joke, the wait list was that long). I loved that he was nearby, I could stop in at a moment's notice, and that the facility was wired with IP cameras...I could see him and his care givers at any point in time. He was there two full days a week and my parents watched him a third day, which we called "Grandma-Grandpa Day."

We loved our arrangement, it worked for us. The facility was top notch and with that came the top-notch price tag. But my husband and I agreed his happiness, safety and our peace of mind were worth the cost. The biggest con for me? That my son wasn't in his own home.

Our oldest is now five and attends prekindergarten five days a week, at his request. No childcare necessary for him. But his little brother, at 20 months, does require childcare since I am a working mom. Up until about four months ago, I worked and scrapped together a 20 hour work week by getting my projects done at night and during naptime.

But the late nights, oh how they hurt. I finally decided to get a babysitter.

A Daycare Dilemma

This time around, I opted for a babysitter over daycare for three reasons. The pros:  I thought I would have more flexibility in hours; I liked that I could have my son; and it was less expensive than daycare. The cons: I dislike the invasion of privacy caused by someone in my home when I'm not there. And one con, which should be a pro, is that my babysitter has her own children, including two teenagers, a preschooler and an infant. And herein lies my daycare dilemma.

I'm a working mom, I know you have to stay home with your kids are struck with illness. But when I'm a working mom and MY child care provider has to stay home because her child is sick, I'm hosed. No little black book of backup babysitters can help me out on 20 minutes notice.

While my job as a freelance editor and writer allow me great flexibility, I am a working mama. I do need a consistent schedule and there are days when I have serious deadlines. And now I'm relishing the memories of what daycare has to offer. I'm on another wait list. And a space can't open soon enough.

In the meantime, I need to figure out how to handle when the babysitter calls in sick. Any tips?

And my other questions...

How do you piece together your child care solutions? How did you decide? Are you happy with it? And the million dollar question - what do YOU do when your babysitter or nanny calls in sick?

 

Career Changes for the Working Mom

A quick addendum to my previous post, Does Having Kids Have to Squelch Long-Term Ambitions?

Cindy Krischer Goodman of The Miami Herald column and blog, The Work/Life Balancing Act, ran a quick profile about  Jill Rapperport. Rapperport is a former media exec with Ziff-Davis. Post kids, she decided to leave the the corporate world being began her own business, Soaring Eagle Yoga. Talk about life change.

Being a business owner/self-employed has its own stresses. Rapperport provided Goodman with some thoughts on examining and achieving career changes and life goals. My favorite suggestion is: "Listen to what really excites you, thrills you, or nags at you."

If you're in need of inspiration, check it out.

Does Having Kids Have to Squelch Long-Term Ambitions?

Over at Working Moms Against Guilt, Susan has a thought-provoking discussion going on. It started with opinions about Oprah's interview with ABC 20/20 correspondent Elizabeth Vargas and has now turned to the question: Does it Get Easier? Do working moms feel less guilt, less stress, less chaotic, as their kids get older?

A comment from AmyBow really struck a chord with me:

I made a conscious decision to put my long-term ambitions and goals on the back-burner (maybe temporary, but most likely forever) in order to find a workplace that was family-friendly and stable which for the most part equates with "less challenging".

I imagine that many working moms -- and dads too -- put their long-term goals and career ambitions on hold when they have children. But does having kids have to squelch long-term dreams?

Having my first baby had the complete opposite effect on me. After my son was born, I decided I needed to accelerate on the path towards my long-term goals.

I had a nice, high-paying corporate gig. I was on a fast-moving track. Yet I had always wanted to jump back into professional journalism and writing. I stayed in the corporate world for nearly eight years and when my first son was born, I realized how much I disliked my job. Even with its on-site daycare, my flexible schedule, and an understanding boss who didn't flinch when I'd leave at 4pm everyday, I wanted out.

Having a baby kicked me into high gear. I I didn't want my son to grow up watching his mom go to work doing a job that wasn't her passion. I didn't want to wake up 10 years from now wondering, "what if." I didn't want to resent parenthood because it squelched a flame within me. And I did want to spend more time with my boys.

Once I decided to pursue my dream job as a freelance writer, I created a plan that I would execute over the course of three years. It would begin with me moonlighting as a freelance journalist with my local paper (the San Francisco Chronicle) while working 24+ hours a week at my day job, and it  would end with me quitting my corporate gig after I felt I had enough traction to exist as a writer.   Along the way, I started blogging professionally, and even more doors opened.

Somehow, some way, it worked.

Three years after I set off on my plan,and after my second son was born,  I officially quit my job. It hasn't been peaches and cream -- being an independent contractor never is easy. Projects come and go, and freelance writing isn't a money printer. There have been many moments when I've thought about going back to the corporate world simply for consistent income. But then I remember why I left in the first place...and I breath a sigh of relief knowing I've found my home in the writing world. My feelings of guilt are less, the chaos of parenthood will forever exist, but as I told SelfMadeMom recently in an email exchange, I feel like I've reached my constantly-evolving definition of "having it all."

Reality check: I know this doesn't work for every mom. Financial responsibilities and family situations may not allow for such drastic life changes. But I always encourage every friend thinking about having kids, and friends with kids who dislike their jobs, to explore every single possibility that revolves around pursuing long-term goals. 

Having kids -- and living out dreams -- can still go hand in hand.

 

Post Partum Dental Problems

The cliché about having children is that they are a gift that keeps on giving. Did you ever think that phrase could correlate to post partum dental health?

Most new moms-to-be know they should be diligent with dental care in pregnancy. Brushing and flossing are key since studies had shown periodontal disease can cause premature labor. You also want to avoid major dental work during pregnancy since x-rays are a big no-no.

But new moms...did anyone ever tell you that you could experience major dental problems as a result of calcium loss during pregnancy?

Extreme Root Canal Therapy for the New Mom

Prekids, my teeth were perfectly healthy. Ten weeks after first my son was born, I was in the dentist's chair for root canal therapy. It would be the first of six root canals over the following five years. That’s right – six root canals.

I’ve spent the past two days undergoing root canal therapy, only to learn that two previous root canals have to be redone. Ack!

The cause of my dental problems? Pregnancy and breastfeeding, which depleted my calcium supply enough to render my teeth helpless to decay (or sugar monsters, as I tell my son when I'm off to visit the dentist). I would never trade my two boys for healthy teeth. But all the same, I wish someone had told me about it before and during my pregnancies. Instead, I received a matter of fact "Oh, yeah, having babies can completely ruin your dental health" statements when I was at the dentist with my teeth in a state of disarray. And the more I speak with other moms, the more I learn it's a common, "underground" problem.

Pregnancy and Dental Health

Planning on getting pregnant and/or being a nursing mama? You know you’re supposed to have adequate calcium intake during pregnancy to help the baby develop. It’s also so baby doesn’t steal your supply. But take heed -- Baby can be a calcium thief anyway!  Be sure to speak your dentist and Ob/Gyn about steps you can take to prevent calcium loss during pregnancy and breastfeeding. You many not entirely avoid dental problems, but it definitely helps to be aware and know what you can expect. The National Institute of Health has a fantastic fact sheet you can download with information on calcium, pregnancy and breastfeeding.

Dental Problems Sap Time from the Working Mom

If you're a new mom, don't be surprised if your teeth give you a hard time. And if you’re a working mom, factor in time lost through dental procedures. Root canal therapy takes approximately five hours to from the first diagnosis through the actual procedure and the final application of a crown. That’s five hours typically spread over a month. Add to that a dash of pain and, well, crankiness, and you’re looking at some major time lost to dental woes. Not exactly the whiz-bang effect you want when returning to work after maternity leave!

Kids, the gift that really does keep on giving!

In the Cube: Tales from Working Mom Blogs

I worked in a corporate environment for nearly ten years. When I became a working mom, one of my favorite parts of the day was the mid-morning huddle in cube of a co-worker who has two teenagers. Whatever the topic, we'd soon find the cube filled with two or three other moms and dads. We could always tell which married co-workers were thinking about having kids because they'd eventually join us to ask probing questions about parenthood. We'd talk about work, challenges of being working moms, our kids escapades, and celebrity gossip, of course. It was a great source of tips and support from moms in different stages of parenthood.

The blogworld is filled with similarly wonderful soundbites and tips from working mothers...a virtual cube, if you will. We'll be featuring these blogs in what I call In The Cube, where you'll have a peek into the lives and minds of other working mothers.

This week In the Cube:

Working Moms Against Guilt

Working Moms Against Guilt, Susan brings a topic close to my heart...how do working moms find time to work out?? I was a fitness fanatic in the pre-kids day. Kung Fu, kickboxing, weight lifting, you name it, I did it. For a minimum of two hours a day. I recently started a new running program, and I'm struggling with fitting it into my day. Alison Korn at On Balance, the Washington Post blog of Leslie Morgan Steiner, further chimes in with her post about exercise and stress reduction for parents.

Business Advisors: Working Mothers

Kathy Murdock at Business Advisors: Working Mothers has an idea I love: giving new working moms mentors to help guide them along their new journey. "Think how great it would be if you could call someone up and ask how they manage to get their children and themselves to work on time in the morning, or what meals they prepare on nights when they have meetings or their children have after school sports," she writes. In many ways, blogs and online parent networks have become that virtual mentor, but I agree with Kathy - wouldn't it be nice to have a mentor in your office that's already been down the working mom road to ask for advice?

The Work-Life Balancing Act

Cindy Krischer Goodman at The Work-Life Balancing Act found a book called Cut to the Chase by Stuart Levine. Need tips on how to stay focused and get out of work early? Of course you do! Every working mom is a multitasker, right? And that often can derail focus. I'm anxious to check out this book to see if it can help me stay on track and lives up to it's promise of helping me gain back time.

What's happening in your cube?

If you have a work-related parenting blog, we want to hear about it. Email me at charlene.prince.birkeland AT gmail DOT com.

Sick Child Care and the Working Mom

It was Sunday afternoon and I was out and about enjoying some quality “me time” (okay fine, I was getting a pedicure) while my boys – my baby, preschooler and husband – were all enjoying some quality naptime. Or so I thought…until I received “The Call.” Q., my 19 month old, had awoke from the middle of his slumber with a puke explosion. Several puke explosions, to be exact.

My husband said Q. was okay and sleeping, that he'd already spoken to the advice nurse, and not to rush home. I breathed a sigh of relief. And then the working mom thought kicked in: “S@!#, what will I do about work tomorrow?” Our babysitter has children, and I never want to cause a ripple effect by exposing other parents and their kids to our family germs, so to speak.

When my son is running a 102 degree fever and vomiting profusely, it’s a safe bet to call it a day and try to squeeze in work between his naps. I hate seeing my children sick, but truth be told, I welcome those days because it forces me to slow done. I recently found this article about enjoying those days when your kids are sick because it gives you a much-needed opportunity to tune out work and focus on family.

I’m also freelance writer. While I have deadlines, I can always move my schedule around when my boys are under the weather. But what happens when I can’t be so flexible and my sons are too sick for our normal childcare routine?

I used to be a working mom in the corporate world. And I have very vivid memories of having to cancel some incredibly important meetings because I had a wheezy, snotty toddler. Freelancer to executive mom to teacher or retail rep, preparation is key for nearly every aspect of working motherhood.  Sick child days are no exception. Every working mom needs back up plans galore when it comes to caring for a sick child.  My plan includes...

Trading Places - with my Spouse

…My husband and I often trade spots staying at home to care for our patient depending on whose day truly requires an office appearance.  It sometimes becomes a skillful negotiation because there are definitely days when we both have important meetings to attend, but when we have a sick child for one or two days, this usually works.

La Familia

…Both my parents and my in-laws live nearby. Grandma and Grandpa are always willing to help me in a pinch when my children are sick, even if it means catching a bug in return. (That’s some serious love!).

The Little Black Book Sick Child Babysitters

…I have running list of babysitters and nannies of my very good friends who have offered to care for my boys when they’re sick. Think coughy sneezy sick, not fever, passed-out-on-the-couch sick (that’s when the grandparents get in the act). My personal rule is that these nannies can’t have their own kids because otherwise, I’d feel too guilty at the thought of infecting their whole family with my sons’ germs (see above).

The Little Black Book of Back Up Babysitters is also fantastic resource when my babysitter gets sick and needs the day off, but requires the most planning. You need to be comfortable with the caregiver and your friend. There’s nothing worse than having your friend be mad at you for giving her entire family the stomach flu because her nanny watched your kid. A little common sense goes a long way.

And when all else fails, I give in and take my own sick day. I’ve never tried sick child daycare centers, and I'm interested in hearing from other people who have. But my instinct tells me I would be incredible uneasy leaving my kids in the hands of stangers, especially if my boys were mildly sick.

What's your plan when your children get sick and you have to work?

Three "Must-Visit" Websites for Working Mothers

When you're a working mother, you need all the help you can get in order to achieve any semblance of work-life balance. I often turn to websites for working mothers when I'm in need of tips and advice about situations I'm facing. There are many websites available for working mothers, but I've found three that I return to most often because of their top-notch content and what I call, "reality programming"...they address topics that working moms play out every day.

Here are three websites for working moms that you should check out:

Working Moms Refuge

Working Moms Refuge offers fun articles, a newsletter and discussion boards for the working moms. I dig that they have a section called Dad’s Voice, which writer Ted Rasch points out is the “other side of the coin.” I also like that the site hits on the simple things, like how to make an easy dinner for your family when you're walking in the door at 5:30 and everyone is starved. Check out the Family Fare section for some quick, easy and *gasp* healthy meals you can make in a pinch (although breakfast for dinner will always rank as my all-time favorite desperation meal).

But my favorite story at Working Moms Refuge is one that offers tips on how working moms keep their homes clean. Writer Lori A. Cascone says, “Working mothers really are superwomen. In the midst of all the muss and fuss that goes along with any given day, they're actually deeply concerned about keeping their homes in tip-top shape.” Nodding my head in violent agreement while looking at the dust-donkeys on my hard-wood floors.

Blue Suit Mom

Blue Suit Mom bills itself as the resource for “executive working mothers.” But don’t be fooled. It’s a great site for any working mom. My favorite read? An article called “Too Busy for Bake Sales,” and offers tips on how to stay involved in your child’s school when you’re stretched to your limit. My son starts kindergarten next Fall and I'm already thinking about how I'll handle the parent volunteer requirements. So this story struck a chord. I also loved an article by author Tracy Lyn Moland that offered five simple tips for moms to take care of themselves.

Working Mother

No list of websites for working moms would be complete without mentioning Working Mother. Like the magazine, the website is all-encompassing and covers family life, work life and what I like to call the “Three F’s”…fashion, finances, and food.

My only gripe about Working Mother is that it appeals to the high-end (read: corporate) working mom. But I find the content useful overall. I enjoy reading the "Guest Stars" section, which highlights high-profile career women like CNN anchor Soledad O' Brien. Basically, working women you want to hate but can't because, well, they share the same struggles with trying to balance their careers with their family lives. Damn them.

What websites for working mothers do you have bookmarked?

Calendars for Moms

Two working parents + preschooler + toddler = scheduling chaos

I know I’m not the only working mother who the lives by this equation. My numbers are probably small (Didn’t you hear? Four is the new two!) Nonetheless, I’m still “calendar challenged.” And every year I look for new ways to keep myself organized.

I used to keep track of my daily routine with a Franklin Covey System, but it was too bulky in my purse. It also lacked space to keep track of four moving parts: my husband, my two sons, and me.

And then I discovered something novel: calendars for moms. Check 'em out:

The Busy Body Book

The Busy Body Book is a calendar for moms created by Joan Goldner, a single mom with a 15-year-old son. It's a 7" x 10" notebook where one side holds space for notes and the inevitable to-do list. The other side of the Busy Body Book is where the magic happens - five columns to keep track of each family member or activity over the course of a each week. It's low key in design, pale green in color. I could do without the muted '70s' images on inside pages, but the Busy Body Book does the job. Keep it in your purse or on the kitchen counter. Joan is offering a New Year special, so you can buy the Busy Body Book for US$8.48 plus shipping.

Mom's Plan-It 2007 Magnetic Wall Calendar

For some, the bigger the calendar for moms, the better. If you want to have your week or month at a glance in a central location for all to use, take a gander at the Mom's Plan-It 2007 Magnetic Wall Calendar. At 11" x 20.5" in size when opened, each page is a month-at-a-glance and contains smallish rows that you can designate for separate family members. Bright colors and funky, kitsch designs make this a fun one (and so do the cute stickers...if your kids don't swipe them). Apparently this is a popular calendar for moms. It retails for US$13.99.

Mom's Daily Planner

Mom's Daily Planner is a calendar for moms similar to the Busy Body Book, but its outward appearance is more stylish. Mom's Daily Planner spiral bound but comes in a variety of cool colors - black, lime green, pink and a pale/turquoise blue. Mom's Daily Planner 5" x 8" and each page has four columns: one for mom and three for kids or activities. It retails for US$19.95.

Mom Agenda

My personal favorite...the Mom Agenda. I spotted the deep red calendar for moms in the arms of a friend. I was drawn to its uuber hipness that meshed my need for something fun, small yet spacious enough for my notes. The Mom Agenda is on the large side at 7" x 9", but it's classy. The cover is genuine leather and you can either get a smooth or embossed version. It offers a month-at-a-glance along with a daily page divided into five rows. You can also try the Mom Agenda Mini, which uses the same concept as the larger version but is only 5" x 7." And if the idea of having calendar for moms in your purse or on your desk turns you off, then check out what I use - My Agenda. Small enough for my purse, yet big enough for the important details (like when I will spoil my inner-tween by seeing Justin Timberlake in concert.) Prices vary from US$35-$40, so visit the website.

What calendar system do you used to stay organized?

On Beyond Mom

Motherhood has flipped my world at warp speed and I love every second of it. I even quit a high-paying, incredibly flexible corporate job so I could change careers and spend more time with my two boys, ages 5 and 18 months. But I still have a career as a full-time writer while acting as a primary caregiver in our family. I’m a mom – but my life moves beyond mom. Yet the two perpetually intermingle. I have the street cred to prove it. I’ve…

• Been in a meeting with a senior VP to discuss product strategy and planning with baby spit-up adorning my shoulder (unbeknownst to me, of course).
• Managed conference calls from home between execs and top technology analysts...while nursing my then six-month-old son to keep him quiet.
• Interviewed a technology executive via phone while he was in Singapore, only to have my son run into the room yelling "I'm NAKED! Bath time is OVER and I have noooooo clothes on Mommy!"

The frustrations, experiences and surprises that I’ve encountered as a working mom make me a zealot around empowering other women in the workplace with expert advice, survival techniques and above all, support. And that’s why I’m here.