Working Moms and Overcommittment: Just Say No.

Posted by Charlene Prince Birkeland

Kelly Watson (Mother Leads Best) at Work-It, Mom! recently wrote a post called Overcommitted, where she takes a look at what happens when you're in a work/life groove and suddenly "mommy kryptonite" gets thrown at you (I love that phrase, mommy kryptonite -- I will be using it often!)...and you're in a tailspin. I've been feeling that way for past few weeks so Kelly's story really struck a chord with me.

In Kelly's case, her Mother's Helper unexpectedly fell through during a particularly chaotic time -- the end of the school year along with a busy work week for mom. She goes on to examine what happened to make her feel like a mom mess. And her answer is one that I believe will resonate with most moms, working or not. Kelly writes:

"I think one of my biggest faults is the tendency to over-commit, especially when things are going well. I forget that life, like the market, has cycles and I am not always going to be at the top."

So true. When it feels like you're routine is fully streamlined, maybe you've found some pockets of time for yourself, and you're still managing to succeed at work and actively participate in your children's school (or daycare) activities, you overcommit. But it's so easy to forget about that silly thing called Murphys Law: "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time."

Kelly has received -- and offered -- some excellent advice. When that mommy kryptonite gets tossed your way, immediately put yourself on the "just say no" list. Kelly's friends suggested she decline every new personal and work request until her Mother's Helper returned. Now, saying no to work requests may be difficult. It's not like you can say "Sorry, I can't do that report for you." You can set a realistic deadline. And on the personal side, you could certainly turn down requests to host or participate in play dates or parties...just until you get back into your (false) groove again.

Kelly also reminds us that we should always always ask for help when we need it. I used to have trouble with asking for help, but once I hit my wall -- the one that shouted, "Why are you torturing yourself trying to get all this done on your own??!!" -- it became much easier to call in the lefty when I needed a relief picture.

I think the best advice received is one for all moms: "...Live fully in the moment with each action I take between now and then [when her "kryptonite phase ends], so that instead of a worried, distracted, and stressed mother/leader/friend, I am the person everyone needs me to be." I would like to live fully in the moment everyday, not just in those chaotic times. It's easier said than done, of course, because  living in the moment requires great focus. I don't know about you, but sometimes I'm as easily distracted as my two-year-old opening presents on Christmas day.

But I do know that after reading Kelly's post, I'm going to take my own hard look at how I over-commit myself. I know I do it, I want to pinpoint the when and where...so I can stop saying yes.

What about you? Do you over-commit yourself? And what do you do when you get hit by mom kryptonite?

Comments

[Redsy]

For me, the issue is trying to maximize pay and time at home so that I dont' feel like I'm missing out. I've recently reshuffled my worklife so that most of what I do for money, I can do at home (which sounds odd, but you know what I mean). But one of the issues of being overcommitted is the way work creeps into one's evening hours. I find myself working at the writing/editing thing until 10 - 10:30 and before I know it the day is over.

Great article!
-Rachael

[Frankie]

I over commit all the time, but feel it is not in my control to say no. MOst is with work and when I discussed issues of feeling overwhelmed w/ boss - she simply said that was part of the job. It makes it difficult to say NO.