Downsizing for Work-Life Balance

You've likely noticed that this JobMom has been quite silent for the past few weeks. For good reason. In the past two months I've:

-sent my oldest son off to kindergarten
-sent my youngest son to preschool
-seen Rick Springfield. Twice. Over two days.
-been involved in a major acquisition
-learned that my six-month-old puppy requires surgery for a random eye ailment
-had two serious bouts of bronchitis

...and then some. No really, the list does go on like a bad movie.

The end of summer has always been a time of transition. But this particular season has redefined "rolling with the punches" for my family and work life. This struggle with work-life balance came to a head for me. When I quit my corporate job a few years ago to become a freelance writer, the goal was to spend time enjoying my kids while revolving work around my personal life. But over the past year I let that dynamic change a little too much. And this summer I paid the price with a hectic pace that wore me out.

I determined that there was only one solution: to downsize my workload.

By letting go of several assignments, I'm opening the door to something I've missed: time and focus...for my kids and my work.

This is a long, roundabout way of saying that you are reading my last post as the editor of JobMom. You can continue to read my writing at my personal blog, crazedparent, and at the parent social networking site, Maya's Mom, where I will continue as the site editor. I'll still be writing on the fly for a few print publications. And if I'm really lucky, maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to get some personal writing projects back on track. That's the goal at least.

Many thanks to those of you who've been readers of JobMom and watched my journey since January. I appreciate all of your thoughts and comments, but most of all, your time. I know how hard it is find those rare moments to read online for pleasure, and I'm honored that you spent it here.

Cheers.

Working Moms and Overcommittment: Just Say No.

Kelly Watson (Mother Leads Best) at Work-It, Mom! recently wrote a post called Overcommitted, where she takes a look at what happens when you're in a work/life groove and suddenly "mommy kryptonite" gets thrown at you (I love that phrase, mommy kryptonite -- I will be using it often!)...and you're in a tailspin. I've been feeling that way for past few weeks so Kelly's story really struck a chord with me.

In Kelly's case, her Mother's Helper unexpectedly fell through during a particularly chaotic time -- the end of the school year along with a busy work week for mom. She goes on to examine what happened to make her feel like a mom mess. And her answer is one that I believe will resonate with most moms, working or not. Kelly writes:

"I think one of my biggest faults is the tendency to over-commit, especially when things are going well. I forget that life, like the market, has cycles and I am not always going to be at the top."

So true. When it feels like you're routine is fully streamlined, maybe you've found some pockets of time for yourself, and you're still managing to succeed at work and actively participate in your children's school (or daycare) activities, you overcommit. But it's so easy to forget about that silly thing called Murphys Law: "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time."

Kelly has received -- and offered -- some excellent advice. When that mommy kryptonite gets tossed your way, immediately put yourself on the "just say no" list. Kelly's friends suggested she decline every new personal and work request until her Mother's Helper returned. Now, saying no to work requests may be difficult. It's not like you can say "Sorry, I can't do that report for you." You can set a realistic deadline. And on the personal side, you could certainly turn down requests to host or participate in play dates or parties...just until you get back into your (false) groove again.

Kelly also reminds us that we should always always ask for help when we need it. I used to have trouble with asking for help, but once I hit my wall -- the one that shouted, "Why are you torturing yourself trying to get all this done on your own??!!" -- it became much easier to call in the lefty when I needed a relief picture.

I think the best advice received is one for all moms: "...Live fully in the moment with each action I take between now and then [when her "kryptonite phase ends], so that instead of a worried, distracted, and stressed mother/leader/friend, I am the person everyone needs me to be." I would like to live fully in the moment everyday, not just in those chaotic times. It's easier said than done, of course, because  living in the moment requires great focus. I don't know about you, but sometimes I'm as easily distracted as my two-year-old opening presents on Christmas day.

But I do know that after reading Kelly's post, I'm going to take my own hard look at how I over-commit myself. I know I do it, I want to pinpoint the when and where...so I can stop saying yes.

What about you? Do you over-commit yourself? And what do you do when you get hit by mom kryptonite?

Thinking about Getting a Puppy? Here, Take Mine.

I'm kidding. Really, I am.

Now if you had told me two nights ago that you were thinking about getting a puppy -- when I was awake at 1 a.m. standing in my backyard while my new puppy, Luna, was going to the bathroom for the tenth time in two hours -- I would have gladly handed her over to you. In fact, I would have begged you to take her. Immediately.

Little Luna, at 13 weeks, has a bladder infection and some sort of weird gastrointestinal woes. I can't exactly be mad at her for needing to be let outside when the urge strikes her (Any woman who has dealt with a urinary tract infection can sympathize with the poor dog.) But I do get mad at myself from time to time for adding a new element of chaos and stress to my already hectic life.

I love my little pup and she is really, really cute, which does make up for the late nights and early mornings with her. And while I knew ahead of time that raising a puppy was going to be "hard work," I had no idea what this type of hard work would entail. Or the amount of stress it would place on our family.

The image of bringing a new puppy into your home is one of Hallmark moments. But the fact is that those Hallmark moments end after that first night at home, when puppy quickly grows from all cuteness to needing immediate discipline and hard training. Especially if the image you have of your puppy five years down the line is one of a grown dog curled up on the floor at your feet while you read a book to your little ones.

BabyQuest: Wait to Get Pregnant to Focus on Career?

MSNBC has a new special called "BabyQuest: The Pursuit of Modern Parenthood" and the latest discussion point focuses on couples waiting to get pregnant. Not just because of women wanting to focus on their careers, but because advances in scientific technology are allowing them to wait.

The MSNBC article sparked some thoughts for Michelle Goodman of The Anti 9-to-5 Guide, where she ponders To Spawn or Not to Spawn. She writes:

"...I started to think how sad it was that career and motherhood have become so either-or for so many women in this society. How many women would have a kid sooner if more companies would make it easier for them to do so without career or financial penalty? And by “easier,” I of course mean offering flex and part-time schedules, as well as the same wages and advancement opportunities as their non-mom counterparts."

Since Michelle asked for thoughts on this topic of motherhood and careers, I'll share my story.

The Mom Ramp: Beth Blecherman Jumps Back on the Working Mom Highway

Beth Blecherman is the “chief technology officer” for the popular Silicon Valley Moms Blog and the publisher of a hot new tech blog for moms, TechMamas. In her pre-kid days, she worked in corporate finance, systems development and then systems auditing for a company that was purchased by Roche Pharmaceuticals. She later worked for Deloitte & Touche and when she was pregnant with her first baby, Beth was the senior manager of computer process integrity. After her son was born, she worked part time for the company.  But it was her second pregnancy with twin boys –- and two months of bed rest following the delivery –- when she decided the Partner track at Deloitte needed to take a back seat. She retired.

“Even though I knew it was the right decision, it was still difficult,” she said.

Beth recently decided to jump back in the working mom world. She’s moving towards the on ramp, starting with the brave new world of blogging. Beth is a fellow blogger and friend, and every time we see each other, I always come away with new ideas about working motherhood, parenting, and truth-be-told, the best celebrity gossip (sorry, Beth, your secret is out!).

Going back to work is as tough as deciding to leave your job to become a stay at home mom. I asked Beth a few questions about this new life adventure, her new tech blog, TechMamas, and how she's doing with work/life balance.

JobMom (JM): Why did you decide to get back into the working mama game?

Beth Blecherman (BB): After spending years building a career, I found it hard to become a full time mom. I realized that spending time with my kids was the most valuable part of my day, but that I was not good at doing it all day. Having time to myself made me a better parent. I decided that for me to get the right balance in my life I needed to go back to work. I talk about this in my blog post called, "I Surrender." (Ed. note: A must read for all moms.)

JM: Did you hit any roadblocks?

BB: The first roadblock in going back to work was timing; managing three young boys was too complicated for childcare so I waited until my twins went to preschool. The next roadblock was changing careers. My last job at Deloitte was in project management, which required a big time commitment and involved rigid time deadlines. So after years of building a career, I had to find a new career that had flexible work arrangements. I only wanted to work while my kids were at school or at night. I started to wonder if that type of work existed.

I kept current on technology news after I retired and found the concept of blogs very interesting.  I was lucky to work with Jill Asher, Pamela Hornik, and Tekla Nee to establish the Silicon Valley Moms Blog. Once I started blogging, I became completely hooked. We then joined the BlogHer network, which served as my new “work” network. I am still working to make blogging a career -- the path is not as clear as in technology consulting.

Helping Kids Adjust When A Spouse Must Travel for Work

My husband's job requires that he travel for work on a regular basis. I always have advance notice of at least a week for any business trip, which gives me plenty of time to plan how I will handle my work situation when he's away. And based on my experiences, I've offered some of my tips how I, as a working mom, manage the juggle of work/life balance when my spouse must travel for work.

But managing the juggle of work/life balance when a spouse has a business trip becomes a tiny bit more complicated when your kids are having trouble adjusting to mom or dad being away. A one-night trip is a breeze, but sometimes longer trips -- or trips that become regular -- can send little ones into a tailspin. And when I say "little ones," I'm referring to kids older than two years old but younger than ten.

The saying, "Time flies when you're having fun" has never been more true then when you're on your own watching the kids. And if you make it fun for them -- and for you -- it can make a huge difference in helping everyone adjust to a parent's travels.

I have two simple tricks up my sleeve when it comes to making sure my husband's business trips don't turn my two sons into tiny train wrecks. Keep in mind these ideas work well when a spouse is gone one to three nights. Anything longer and you'll need to call in for back up!

-Routine, routine, routine. My boys love routine. They need to know what's coming. But on the days my husband is away, it goes out the window and another plan goes into action. It's called, the "Daddy's Away!"  and for my sons, it means French toast for breakfast, cream of cauliflower soup and homemade croutons for dinner, chocolate chip cookies for dessert, an extra long bath and extra stories at bedtime. Every. Single. Time.  And at dinner time, I let my oldest son read a special book at the dinner table -- a definite "no-no" any other day. One night I accidentally told my son he couldn't read at the table and he said, "But Mom, you always let me read a book when Daddy's traveling." Touché.

Sometimes the bath is short, sometimes they are too tired for extra stories, but they both know that the days that Daddy's away are special for the three of us. Routine.

-Keep the kids busy. When you get home from work, make sure you keep the kids active. Let them help you with dinner. Have them pick out post-dinner books and toys you'll be playing with. Better yet, post dinner, take them to the park. Even a short 15 minute burst of park time can make the evening go faster for them (and you).

I swear by these two tips and I've had plenty of time and opportunity to test out other ideas during my husband's travels. And I'm sure if he were writing this post, his approach to my business travel and his playing single dad would be summed up in one phrase: "Go with the flow!" Perhaps because I only travel a few times a year, compared to his wacky schedule.

Okay, so you've read my tips on helping kids adjust when a spouse has to travel for work. What about yours?